From a conversation with Hiroshi Ikeda Sensei at his Aikido dojo in Boulder in December:
To gain control by breaking balance:
- Establish connection.
- Through attention to partner’s structure, move one point, even a little bit, to establish motion.
- Then creativity is possible.
All of this done relaxed, with no force or anger.
Living on Unstable Ground 
A wrist lock is a good way to break balance. I would consider that aiki.
I like the last line of this, no Force or Anger.